I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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