his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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