Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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