I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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