I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
