Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
