So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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