I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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