ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize