And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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