I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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