I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
