Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize