is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
