WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
