So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
