You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
