Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
