I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
