my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize