How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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