I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
