Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
