i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
