I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
