People in love make me want to vomit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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