I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize