I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
