you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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