You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's never too late to be topless.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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