Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
