They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
