Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
