The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
