I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
