My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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