I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
