When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
