You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
