he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
