sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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