I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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