do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
NoShamevember. You game?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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