you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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