he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
