FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
