I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
