remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
