and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
