i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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