I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
