I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
