My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
