It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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