I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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