UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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