she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
