we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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