She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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