Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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