Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
