hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How's work?
Spinning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize