Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
