Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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