just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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