I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize