College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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