Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so let's talk penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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