If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
