I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
