Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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