I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
