Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
